Wednesday, April 27, 2016

The Purge




Cut. Cut without mercy.

I knew of this rite of passage, everyone who follows the tribe does. It is no secret that before you can proceed with the course, you have to let go of all your ties from the outside world. The world full of Facebook and Tsismis Analyses as Zee so lovingly puts it. Nothing must come between you and the charts. Doing this is a mere stroll in the park compared to accomplishing what comes next—cutting your losses. All of it.

Cut. Cut without mercy.

If you’re someone like me, whose port is swimming in a sea of red, there is really nothing you wish more than to go back in time and talk yourself out of buying THOSE losing positions. Every so often I catch myself wishing that I didn’t press the Buy button. And on occasions that I see my port green only for it to turn red after a couple of days, I catch myself thinking I should have pressed the Sell button. It was a constant battle of should have and shouldn’t have. Sometimes I ask myself if all these wishful thinking is all I’m ever going to be. They all tell you that losing is all part of the learning process. What they do not tell you is that you don’t just lose your hard-earned money, you lose a little part of your soul too.

Cut. Cut without mercy.

My story is much like everybody else’s: a newbie who got into the market in the hopes of earning more money. I was full of hope yet so naïve. My first trade, I went all-in. I watched helplessly as a stock tip from a trader friend plunged into the pits of hell faster than you could say “wow”. My port was bleeding and so was I. But still full of hope, still so naïve, I didn’t cut. I became an honorary member of the Hold and Pray club and my trader friend quickly became my ipit buddy. As it turns out, he was just as clueless as I am. It was a classic case of blind leading the blind. Within five months, I lost a little less than forty-percent of my total portfolio value. Yet still, I didn’t cut. How could I? It was a six-digit loss.



Cut. Cut without mercy.

But unlike everybody else’s, my story doesn’t end there. One sunny Tuesday morning, I got a call from a friend who offers a high-yielding investment. This is a person that I have already transacted with quite a few times before and on all occasions, delivered on his promises. I trusted the guy. And I thought it would be the answer to my losses. But I’m sure you’ve all guessed what happened next, you’ve even probably seen it on the news. It turned out to be a high-profile investment scam. My prior loss became chump change compared to my current one. Before I knew it, I found myself diving into an abyss of misery and shame. Day and night I would ask the Lord “why?”, day and night He would tell me, “Learn from this.”

Cut. Cut without mercy.

I was the one cut without mercy. I was knocked down. I was beaten. I was defeated. I didn’t think I could handle any more losses so I stayed out of the market for a couple of months. Until one night, during one of my quiet times, I came across this:


My God is an awesome God. I felt like it was a much-needed wake-up call. The following morning, I saw myself making a decision. I got out of my cocoon and started cutting all of my losing positions. I figured I could not start over if I had all these red weighing me down. So little by little I let them go, little by little I could feel the burden lifting off my shoulders. It was a cathartic release. It was not easy, but it needed to be done. One must let go to stand still, and eventually, to move forward. Here I am despite all the rocks fate has thrown at me. I may be bleeding, but at least I’m standing.  





P.S.
On a lighter note, remember how I got lucky for getting that coveted free slot? Well, well, well. As it turns out, the headmaster himself gave me the slot because he thought that I was the Nina that he used to know. The big question: Is he correct? Am I the Nina that he used to know? Is Nina of days past the same Nina writing to you now? More onto that next week :))


Monday, April 18, 2016

One-Way Ticket

04/18/16
06:31 PM

I found myself in a state of utter disbelief, mild panic and sheer excitement. I left the remaining piece of my banana cue hanging in mid-air while my jaw is slightly ajar in silent shock.  

Uncanny resemblance

I just saw my name published on a very popular website announcing that I won a FREE round trip ticket with a hotel accommodation to my destination of choice! Watdaheck?! This does not happen in real life! I had to put my cold banana cue down and rub my eyes to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming. 





It turns out that I was. Instead of my name, I saw my Subasta ID posted on ZF’s FB page, announcing that I indeed won a free ticket, but lo and behold, the destination is way better than what I ever hoped for—the elusive ZFT course. It was akin to a gentlemen’s club of the 18th century. Ultra-exclusive and only for a select few. 




Prior students, tribe members, people who have been through often testify that it is a life changing experience. I have read the blog, attended the Rift Sessions and stalked a few tribe members when I could. So I have quite a fair idea why they would say that. This is the part where I borrow a #hugotline from Dr. Seuss: “…reality is better than your dreams.” Because wow Lord, iba Ka talaga!  




You see, I sent in my Subasta application just to see if I’ll get qualified to bid and how far my measly P55,000 would take me. This was the only money that I could spare. Knowing that these things could go from 150 to 250k based on the previous subastas, I was well-aware from the get-go that I didn’t have a standing chance of winning a slot. I knew it. And I didn’t doubt it. 




But I had to try anyway. I had to try because finally, here is my chance to learn from the best, to be privy to the cogs and wheels that turn the ZeeFreaks Tribe. A group of people that is a mystery to many, an illusion for a few and the standard to some. According to my calculation, I had roughly 0.0001% chance of getting in. That’s as good as zero. But boy did that chance materialize. They were right when they said that when it rains, it pours. 
  



07:01 PM

After learning of the news, it took me 30 minutes to send Z a message, which was lame at its best: “THANK YOU! I wanted to message earlier but I was at loss for words.” I hit send and I immediately thought, why did I only put one exclamation mark? Should I have said thank you more, spammed the message thread with Thank Yous? Should I maybe offer to do the tribe’s laundry for an entire year? What would suffice? Does this guy even realize the magnitude of his “#54-2144 gets the Free Slot. Message me.” status? My mind was starting to overheat trying to process the amount of questions swirling in my head. ‘Yung biglang naging COL website ako: nag-lag! 




I wanted to ask him why me? Surely, there are other deserving applicants out there. But I thought better of it. To be honest, I wasn’t sure I’d want to know. Ultimately, what’s important is it happened. The purpose? I guess we’ll all find out in the coming weeks. Although, here is a pretty good idea: The ZF Challenge.
  



I said yes, of course. It was daunting, to say the least. But if I made the 0.0001% chance happen, what’s stopping me from achieving this? The heavens did not bring me this far for nothing. It is wise to remember that some things are bigger than any of us. #peptalk

11:19 PM

It’s a little more than 40 minutes before we usher in a new day. Normally, I’d be at work doing claims review, whining about the insane case load, lack of sleep and unreasonable ulam prices in the pantry. The everyday grind. The humdrum existence. But today, it almost feels as if it’s not just a new day, but a welcome to a new era. The days of the old are gone and we’ve hardly even begun. Nobody knows what lies ahead. Will I make it out alive? But one thing I’m sure of: I couldn’t wait for the games to begin.