The Purge

Cut. Cut without mercy.

I knew of this rite of passage, everyone who follows the tribe does. It is no secret that before you can proceed with the course, you have to let go of all your ties from the outside world. The world full of Facebook and Tsismis Analyses as Zee so lovingly puts it. Nothing must come between you and the charts. Doing this is a mere stroll in the park compared to accomplishing what comes next—cutting your losses. All of it.

Cut. Cut without mercy.

If you’re someone like me, whose port is swimming in a sea of red, there is really nothing you wish more than to go back in time and talk yourself out of buying THOSE losing positions. Every so often I catch myself wishing that I didn’t press the Buy button. And on occasions that I see my port green only for it to turn red after a couple of days, I catch myself thinking I should have pressed the Sell button. It was a constant battle of should have and shouldn’t have. Sometimes I ask myself if all these wishful thinking is all I’m ever going to be. They all tell you that losing is all part of the learning process. What they do not tell you is that you don’t just lose your hard-earned money, you lose a little part of your soul too.

Cut. Cut without mercy.

My story is much like everybody else’s: a newbie who got into the market in the hopes of earning more money. I was full of hope yet so naïve. My first trade, I went all-in. I watched helplessly as a stock tip from a trader friend plunged into the pits of hell faster than you could say “wow”. My port was bleeding and so was I. But still full of hope, still so naïve, I didn’t cut. I became an honorary member of the Hold and Pray club and my trader friend quickly became my ipit buddy. As it turns out, he was just as clueless as I am. It was a classic case of blind leading the blind. Within five months, I lost a little less than forty-percent of my total portfolio value. Yet still, I didn’t cut. How could I? It was a six-digit loss.

Cut. Cut without mercy.

But unlike everybody else’s, my story doesn’t end there. One sunny Tuesday morning, I got a call from a friend who offers a high-yielding investment. This is a person that I have already transacted with quite a few times before and on all occasions, delivered on his promises. I trusted the guy. And I thought it would be the answer to my losses. But I’m sure you’ve all guessed what happened next, you’ve even probably seen it on the news. It turned out to be a high-profile investment scam. My prior loss became chump change compared to my current one. Before I knew it, I found myself diving into an abyss of misery and shame. Day and night I would ask the Lord “why?”, day and night He would tell me, “Learn from this.”

Cut. Cut without mercy.

I was the one cut without mercy. I was knocked down. I was beaten. I was defeated. I didn’t think I could handle any more losses so I stayed out of the market for a couple of months. Until one night, during one of my quiet times, I came across this:

My God is an awesome God. I felt like it was a much-needed wake-up call. The following morning, I saw myself making a decision. I got out of my cocoon and started cutting all of my losing positions. I figured I could not start over if I had all these red weighing me down. So little by little I let them go, little by little I could feel the burden lifting off my shoulders. It was a cathartic release. It was not easy, but it needed to be done. One must let go to stand still, and eventually, to move forward. Here I am despite all the rocks fate has thrown at me. I may be bleeding, but at least I’m standing.  

P.S.

On a lighter note, remember how I got lucky for getting that coveted free slot? Well, well, well. As it turns out, the headmaster himself gave me the slot because he thought that I was the Nina that he used to know. The big question: Is he correct? Am I the Nina that he used to know? Is Nina of days past the same Nina writing to you now? More onto that next week :))